Friday, 3 February 2012

mixed feelings.

"...hee who destroyes a good Booke, kills reason it selfe, kills the Image of God... slaies an immortality rather than a life."
- Milton, Areopagitica (1644)

Milton has a point...

I can't decide whether I've had a good day or not. Met loads of new people; my lectures seem to be filled with much better lookers now! Before, they were all mediocre, like me; but now .... we have some real hotties. It made me laugh that the people who came to lectures before were the ones who made an effort with their appearance. They thought about their clothes perfectly, but it was never quite there because it was just too much. Now the ones who seem to be going are the ones who just have style without trying - they're the attractive ones. I hate to say, I'm one of the 'I can't be arsed 6/7 days of the week but on Thursday I'll try and be different'. I couldn't be bothered today though. Which was a shame, because if I'd made an effort (though I'd have fallen into the 'made-an-effort-but-not-quite-there' category) the attractive ones might have let me into their elitist group.

Its all about status at Cambridge. What college you're from, what private boarding school you went to, what designer shit you wear; stupid stuff like that. No one cares. 

I'm much happier wearing my vintage (my mum's) stuff and looking trampy and actually having a personality. I'm not going to try and be so indie and so out there - its ironic because I went on a massive shopping spree to try and find everything that no one else will have so I can be 'out there'... LOL. But anyway - I'm not a Cambridge snob. And I'm pleased.

Had a nice chill with some friends; bit gutted about not having a well-needed chat with ma bestie. It seems everytime we get passed our ridiculous banter to greet each other we find ourselves being interrupted by someone just as the serious chat is about to begin. 

I don't mind, it should be ok.

I'm noticing my friendships changing: my best friend from last term has been more distant; no one's seen her around; we've tried to make an effort but it seems a 5 minute slot every other day is all I'm going to get now. Before we basically lived in each other's rooms. Its sad, but it happens. 

I'm going home this weekend which is well needed. The 'Cambridge Bubble', as it's so infamously called, is extremely suffocating and stifling. Can't wait to escape for a few days. 

Proper food. Proper bed. Proper everything.

I always feel like I'm coming back from DofE when I get home - I feel groggy from the train journey, tired, under-fed, and pissed off. So it'll be good to have a hug with my mummy. See some of my friends. Chill. Alone time. Something I don't get here EVER. Even when my mum calls me on the phone these days my friends don't leave my room, they just stay and chat to her... Awkward! I love it, but sometimes it gets a bit much. I had about 30 minutes alone today. And that was before my day started when I was eating breakfast, getting up for my bedder at 9; clearly the rest of the world was asleep. 

As bad as this picture is, I miss this.

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